Get Old Or Die Trying

George Clooney’s inner 10 year old

I’m going to be 29 tomorrow. I think every birthday becomes a little daunting when you get past 25. For each year that passes, the 10 year old child living inside you judges you that little bit more. “Why do you still wear skinny jeans?” / “Why aren’t you married yet?” / “Where did you put all the Warhammer 40,000 figures?”

The way I try to counter the abuse of the 10 year old me is to try to be as productive as possible in my work. If I am getting older (I’m not convinced), I can at least pretend I’m getting wiser.

Four years ago I set myself the the rather ridiculous goal of winning an Oscar by the time I was 30. Despite being an ambitious and/or stupid target, it marked the start of my career as a filmmaker and seemed like a good thing to work towards. I didn’t know back then that ‘War Horse’ would win one and therefore belittle the whole achievement.

So at 29 I’ve now got only one year and one Oscar ceremony left to achieve my dream. Unless I get recognised for my fantastic skills as make-up artist and hired for Avatar 2, it seems my only realistic chance on collecting a golden naked man is in the Best Short Film Category.

So the pressure is all on my latest short ‘Mr. Invisible’. I think it’s a good film. I mean I’d give it an Oscar. Why not? In fact, my Dad found an imitation Oscar in a skip last month, so effectively I’ve already won one for it!

But whether it happens, or not, I’m a lot closer now to the goal than I was four years ago. For example I now own a well-fitting tuxedo jacket.

But can success and recognition really compensate for the passing of time? It seems to work for George Clooney. But probably not for the rest of us. Woody Allen probably had it right when he said,

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it through not dying.

Sadly, apart from (insert very old but soon to be deceased person here)  we’re all gonna die. So may as well wear skinny jeans have fun while it lasts. And that’s why tomorrow I’m going to watch a Goonies/Indiana Jones double bill at the Prince Charles Cinema. The inner 10 year old should be quiet during that…. Actually, who am I trying to kid? I am still that 10 year old. It’s the outer adult who is the stranger.

No Man Is An Island

Reblogged from Fifty Shades Of Greg:

I wanted to go to Roskilde Music Festival in Denmark. Unperturbed by the apathetic reactions of my friends, I booked my flights and ticket. I was confident that if you build it, or set up the Facebook page, they will come. But they didn’t.

As the festival approached, it became clear I would be going to Denmark alone. Just a man with a tent and no idea how to erect it.

Read more… 1,040 more words

Here's my latest unerotic memoir...

Sundance London 2013

I spent the last few days wandering about the O2 arena. What might sound like a fate worse than death to some was actually an inspiring few days of international cinema. The Sundance Festival and Robert Redford were in town presenting some of the highlights of the US Festival to the British public.

It was a cool opportunity to see films that haven’t been released yet and meet some of the filmmakers who were responsible for them. Amongst my favourites were Michael Winterbottom’s ‘The Look of Love’, an enjoyable yet slightly unstructured romp through Paul Raymond’s Soho, ‘The Eagles Part One’, a very entertaining documentary about a legendary band, and ‘The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete’, a tale of two abandoned young misfits in Brooklyn played by two fantastic child actors. I also really enjoyed A.C.O.D. (Adult Child Of Divorce) which boasted a fantastic line up of comedy actors lead by Adam Scott. As a fan of his work in Step Brothers and Eastbound and Down it was a great to meet him afterwards and ask if he could get me tickets to the Jonas Brothers concert (Eastbound and Down in-joke).

However, far and away the biggest highlight of the weekend was the documentary ‘Blood Brother’ which took the Grand Jury and Audience Award at Sundance this year. It tells the story of a young American, Rocky Braat, who moves to India and starts working with HIV orphans. It’s a film of full of joy, sadness and love, and the experience of watching it is both humbling and inspiring. It’s one of the most powerful films I’ve ever seen, and it was a great privilege to meet the guys responsible for it.

If more people watched films like this then the world would be a better place. I urge you to go see it as soon as it gets a UK release.

Han(d) Solo

I’ve been working on my Bigfoot script recently and navigating the emotional peaks and troughs of being a solitary writer trying to forge something coherent from seemingly disparate pieces of inspiration and images. Whenever I feel at a loss or doubt whether I have what it takes, I remind myself that one man once wrote Star Wars. Yeah, it might be his best ever work and yeah he might have started cutting his own hair out and keeping it in a drawer whilst he worked on it. But to think that George Lucas conceived such an inventive piece of modern myth on his own in a room is inspiring.

Speaking of working alone in a room, whilst watching this essential documentary on the myths at work within Star Wars, I happened to pause it at this moment, and suddenly it became clear why they call him Han(d) Solo…

Han hard at work on his joystick. Don’t get cocky kid!

Notes From A Secret Underground Bunker

Behind The Scenes at RevoLOLtion HQ

I filmed a new video yesterday as part of our upcoming Kickstarter campaign for We Like Laughter. When you’re launching a comedy revolution/revoLOLtion you need an adequate HQ, so I’ve spent the last a few weeks searching for a ‘secret underground bunker’ that seemed appropriate. Places were either not quite secret enough or too expensive. But mainly too expensive.

Apparently the more empty, decrepit and shit a place is, the more people will probably charge you to use it. Even the venue advertised at the domain name ‘secretundergroundbunker.com’, although genuine and run by a very amiable gentleman, wasn’t quite right for our needs. Eventually my Dad suggested I look at some of the empty buildings at the Industrial Estate where his offices are. Upon investigation, we found it to be perfect. I was overjoyed that the location of my Dad’s work had just the right level of depression and post-apocalyptic charm for our revolutionary purposes.

So yesterday a crew of us descended on it to film the first meeting. The day was long but enjoyable. I look forward to sharing the results with you soon, and raising some money to fund future comedy sketches. Our aims are humble… To put smiles on the faces of every man, woman and child the world over.

There’s going to be lots of opportunities to get involved. You can check out our facebook page here and join the revoLOLtion!

Happy Birthday Charlie!

Charlie and Me in Leicester Square.

The above statue was removed last year, presumably because the tribute to a legend was blocking the view of the Resident Evil advert behind.

Sir Charles Chaplin was born 124 years ago today. Even 36 years after his death, his talents, ambition and compassion for humanity remain a source of inspiration for me in my work. Anyone who needs reminding of his desire to make a positive difference in the world should watch this video. Happy Birthday Charlie and thanks for all the laughs!

Wipe On, Wipe Off

Reblogged from Fifty Shades Of Greg:

I was 6 years old, it was the school holidays and we were having our kitchen tiled. So, to get me out the house, my parents had signed me up to a kids activity day. An occasion where children from all over Buckinghamshire came together to play sports, do crafts, make friends for life, and then go home and never see each other again.

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A new unromantic story over at Fifty Shades of Greg. This time I uncover a traumatic childhood memory lurking deep in my Karate Kid lunchbox.